Saturday, June 6, 2020

Self-Discipline in the Face of Selective Ignorance

She says, “I envy the way you feel only what you want, the way the world never boils in the inside of your bones. It must be liberating not to need to rage aloud.”

And I just watch her… and wonder, how many decibels of self-involvement does it take to grow deaf enough to unhear the growls of self-discipline that constantly remind me not to snap in the face of selective ignorance?

“Really,” her tongue goes on and on, brain still on mute, “you’re so lucky.”

“Yes,” I say, taking a few breaths, reminding myself who I am and why I am, “I am lucky.” In my head, I add, Lack of luck would’ve left the skin of my knuckles on your teeth. And who needs that sort of filth in their hands?


Perhaps finally sensing the mood feeding my tone, she smiles an unsure smile. And I hope a little.
photo by Geran de Klerk, on Unsplash

41 comments:

  1. How I love that illustration, which so perfectly suggests the inward fury you express. And the iron-willed restraint. But to have raged aloud at that moment would probably have shocked her into defensiveness rather than teaching her anything. Self-discipline is one of the marks of the warrior, I think. And that tiny glimmer of hope your reward.

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    1. It's hard to speak to people who aren't listening, particularly when they are yelling loud enough to muffle any sense.

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  2. I relate with your words. I have been trying to develop self discipline but it is a life long process. I might not react outside but it is a huge effort not to be troubled inside the mind.

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    1. I suspect that only a dead person would not react inside.

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  3. I like the way you say the world boils in your bones- I think that is exactly the anger a lot of people are feeling worldwide and rightly so - salute the ones that are using it to fuel positive action.

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  4. I love the way the photo illustrates your suppressed roar, Magaly! She has obviously not read your words closely – or even at all – to miss the ‘growls of self-discipline’. I hope she reads this.

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    1. Some people are just really good at the art of being deaf, blind, and dumb.

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  5. ...deaf enough to unhear the growl of self-discipline...all of your fury is right inside that line. Your self-discipline is a powerful, grounding place, and you showed that restraint admirably.

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  6. I believe it is quite clear how you think. Few people know us for what we really are and what we have been through in our lives. We should never make judgement on others but certainly try to find the faults in ourselves.

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  7. "why I am" and "how many decibels" gave a impetus to deep inner thoughts

    Happy Sunday

    much❧✿❧love

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  8. More than one aspect of ourselves can exist together. Outrage in. I feel for her because I can be so socially awkward at times which often inhibits my truer self.

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  9. Oh good gods, yes... I've been there where someone keeps going and going and eventually they notice my smile has gone from Pinkie Pie to Bellatrix Lestrange and they finally, blessedly shut tf up. I hope in those quiet moments of backing away they get a line was crossed and maybe some self reflection happens. But honestly I'm grateful enough for the silence.

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    1. I just saw the the transition from Pinkie Pie to Bellatrix Lestrange in my head and burst into laughter. What an image.

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  10. That combination of word and image...I can feel the rumbling growl after reading.

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  11. Great write, this. Sadly, I have one (in-law) relative who always mistakes my failing to argue, my failing to call him out as the Fascist he is, as complacency and/or agreement/support.

    You nailed this. Thanks.

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    1. I can't say that I haven't been there. They say silence is good. But, in truth, silence can be dangerous--and a bit of a lie, too.

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  12. Some people can be really dense when it comes to discerning the body language and emotions of others. They fail to read between the lines ❤️

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    1. I wonder if their ignorance does it in self-defense.

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  13. I tend to shoot from the lip, but I admire your restraint. Sometimes stony silence is the best statement one can make. Bless you, Magaly!

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    1. It happens to the best of us. Sometimes, holding back is just not an option.

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  14. I admire your resolve to hold your tongue. I doubt if I could do the same.

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  15. That's well put, the selective ignorance. And I can relate with "the world [boiling] in the inside of [ones'] bones." As you have read my recent post, restraint "never ruins ones' health", and hence I'm taking a break.

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    1. This sort of negative thought has already ruined the world, might as well keep it from ruining our health.

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  16. i think i've heard somewhere, i'm not sure where or was it a proverb but it said that self-discipline is a strength. so good on you!

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  17. This makes me think of that saying," do not mistake my kindness for weakness". You are a very strong and amazing person and that is what it takes to keep the growls inside. Love this Magaly!!

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    1. Mistaking kindness for weakness can often get the mistaker slapped.

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  18. Yes, there really are airheads. Its not just a word, its real!

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