Thursday, September 15, 2022

Life Doesn’t Suck

not-quite Journaling, 42

8/30/2022: My left arm and leg are swollen. Fine, my entire body is inflamed, but the left side is about 15% bigger. It started with my arm. I didn’t worry because I have a collection of tears around my left rotator cuff, which exacerbates my lymphedema. Then my left leg began to swell…

So, I’m about to see the vascular surgeon, to figure out if my breast cancer meds are doing nasty things to my circulatory and lymphatic systems. I have 23 months left on this meds (and all the side effects). Sometimes, that knowledge makes me want to rage. Then I remember that the alternative could’ve involved not breathing, and the raging feeling goes away.

Things aren’t exactly pleasant, at the moment, but as J.R. Rim said, “Sunflowers end up facing the sun, but they go through a lot of dirt to find their way there.” All right, so I’m more of a daisy, and my sunflowers are actually growing in small pots—with less than ½ a gallon of dirt—but I really wanted to use the quote. 😁

 

 September morning
smells a lot like October,
     on corn harvest day

9/4/2022: The yield wasn’t grand, when compared to the work and space the plants take in my wee garden, but the thought of tasting popcorn I grew from seed (and the scent of the dry stalks coming through my window) makes it worthwhile.

 

9/5/2022: Inspired by a conversation I overheard, while waiting to see my OCD therapist. Someone—whom I truly hope wasn’t a therapist—said to a pain management patient, “A strong relationship withstands anything. And your love is strong. You two will be fine.” Since walking up to the pair, and shouting “That’s a load of crap”, might’ve been slightly inappropriate, I wrote this senryu instead.


9/13/2022: The first gloriosa daisy of the season bloomed minimalistic (I should take a petal from its book, and slimdown my closet *cough*).

 

 9/13/2022: The results of my venous study are back. All is good. So, life doesn’t suck.
 

- for Poets and Storytellers United--Friday Writers #44: To Err Is Human.


20 comments:

  1. Well it was a load of crap, so.. :) Love the crisp pragmatism with which you look at life and that comes back into your writing.

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  2. I'm glad life doesn't suck! And that your sunflowers, corn and daisies are growing well. I'm glad your life is! (And while it is, so is hope, we are told.)

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  3. I'm with you on reality, not one much for niceties and blanket statements. I'm concerned about the swelling... but all is good? I like to imagine you eating that popcorn and enjoying the sunflowers on your porch.

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  4. So sorry to hear you are hurting but it sounds like you are taking the good with the bad. Those little corns are so beautiful even if they were not worth the space. Love that Sunflower - what cultivar is that?

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  5. OK OK, there was one line in your post that staved my tears...the last line. Helen said: Yes, the senryu was wonderful.

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    1. What a strange comment I left .. cause I believed I was going to be 'anonymous.' LOL

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  6. I'm glad for you that life doesn't suck, but what about your poor bod? I myself have developed a mystery, the palms of my hands are wrinkled and red. Just one morning almost a week ago I had them that way when I woke up. I diagnosed me as "Palmar erythema" but haven't seen a doctor yet.
    ..

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  7. Glad the results came back OK....Hang in there !

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  8. Not breathing alternatives truly suck. Sorry there's still a ways to go, but so glad that there is still a way to go.

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  9. genius - the one about hope! I think journaling is an amazing way to clarify thoughts and feelings - I do a lot with collage and mixed media. It takes a long time to get through images and paint and ephemera - And your mind ponders the entire time...

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  10. So good to hear the results came back clear. I also hope the swelling is easing up a bit. Take care, Maga!

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  11. It's great to hear that the results are good. The sunflower is gorgeous, and I think it's smiling for you. :)

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  12. So pleased that the results came back clear.
    I do hope the swelling will ease.

    Sending my good wishes.

    All the best Jan

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  13. Wishing you comfort as you struggle with health issues.
    Have a blessed week. Luv your on point haibun

    Much💛love

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  14. Thank you for sharing this with us, Magaly. I hope you are feeling somewhat better. There is always something to find comfort in <3

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  15. I have people tell me quite often how strong I am and no matter how much I go through medically I come out the other side stronger. Well I see that in you everyday and you are my inspiration. However, like the sunflower those people have no idea what I went through to have a day with a smile on my face. And to the doctor who told the pain patient a strong relationships withstands everything. He/she has never had to test that. Yes a huge load of crap. Much love, hugs and healing to you.

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  16. Sending hugs!

    I love Allen Ginsberg's Sunflower Sutra about a sunflower growning out of a rubbish pile.

    I hope the inflammation ends soon and the little moments of joy help!

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  17. So glad your results are back, and life sucks a bit less! I adore that
    senryu, and your garden.

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  18. I'm glad the vascular study was good. Pain really does affect everything especially since many times it's invisible and nobody knows what you're going through. The same as hope, I suppose. Giving me food for thought.

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