Thursday, December 2, 2021

Two Entitled Little Brats Shoved My Cousin into Her Own Oven

I am not saying that my cousin didn’t have any faults, because she did: sometimes she borrowed books and would not return them until asked, she often used ALL CAPS to show excitement or outrage, and she was convinced that sugar was the most important thing in the universe. So she enjoyed chocolate meringue pie for breakfast and feasted in honeyed spotted dick for lunch, so what? Her body was hers to use as she pleased.

Yes, my cousin was weird. But being peculiar—and perhaps nutty enough to think that building a cottage out gingerbread, cake, and pastries was a good idea—does not make a person evil. It was her land, her sugar, her magic. And no one had the right to tell her what to do with them, especially not two homicidal little brats with entitlement issues.   

So that is a hard NO, Your Honor. I will not remove the death curse my cousin put on Hansel and Gretel. They shall never be able to eat anything but sweets: not when their teeth start to rot, not when their blood turns treacle black, not when their hearts are so inflamed they pop. If they eat anything other than gingerbread and cake and pastries—oh my!—their privates will turn into a public sugarcane and pumpkin spectacle. But I am not completely heartless, I have an apple they can eat without being affected by my cousin’s curse.

 - for Poets and Storytellers United--Friday Writings #5: A Second(ary) Look, where we are asked to write poetry or prose from the point of view of a secondary character in a story (book, movie, TV show…). I chose to write from the point of view of a cousin of the witch in Hansel and Gretel. Yes, I noticed just how much this quite recently concocted cousin sounds like a version of the Evil Queen who seems to have read The Wizard of Oz. ๐Ÿ˜

37 comments:

  1. Wow, that's a different point of view all right! Yet it's all there in the story with just a slight change of angle. And oh, the gruesome fate that befalls the brats – you might have cured me of ever eating sweets again! But I especially chill to the sinister alternative the narrator proposes.

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  2. Very clever, Magaly, and I appreciate the courtroom drama as well. However, both HRH and I have a bone to pick with you.

    SINCE WHEN is it a FAULT to use ALL CAPS to show EXCITEMENT or OUTRAGE? REALLY, what next?

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    1. Do tell HRH that I do not support all of the cousin's ways. Just some. The EXCITING ones!

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  3. Oh, I do like this! They were quite entitled, weren't they? Being abandoned by their step-mother, with a father who allowed it, and lost in the forest in no excuse.
    (Have you ever read The Book of Lost Things? It alludes to so many tales, with twists. It's not a child's story by any means! It is one of my favorites.)

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    1. Thank you, Lisa! I don't know if Magaly has read that, but I haven't, and from what you say of it I clearly must.

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    2. My thoughts exactly, Lisa! Having bad in life doesn't mean that one must become a thief.

      I've read The Book of Lost Things. I love the retellings, and how they are structure. Coincidentally, I just finished rereading it.

      @Rosemary, I think you'll enjoy it.

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  4. Interesting take from a different viewpoint! Now I'm going to wonder about the cousin of every major character in my books!

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    1. Maybe, one day, we'll write the book of cousins, lol!

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  5. HAHAHahahahahahah!!!! OMG I LUUUUURVES when you write like this XXX

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  6. A perfect story for Creepmas, this gingerbread loving time of the year.

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  7. what an interesting Look ..loved it

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  8. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜this is so good for the giggles

    Much๐Ÿ’œlove

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  9. Well, that's definitely a new (and still dark) take on the story. :)
    i really enjoyed the twist in the story, and fairy tales with a modern setting.
    A film even portray Hansel and Gretel as witch hunters.

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  10. Your imagination was working overtime. May I say WELL DONE in caps?!

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  11. Bwahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha! That is a clever story. I adore the new spin you put on the old tale.

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    1. One of these days, I must retell Jack and the Beanstalk. I wonder what the giant would do to that little delinquent.

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  12. We have a delicious ice cream here called death by chocolate....your cuz would love it.Surrounded by people with entitlement issues... love this term ...we have a term for that here as well ....but it would not pass the censor

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  13. Your story make me laugh! A darkly delightful response to the prompt. And oh, the fun but tedious work of building a cottage out of gingerbread or ginger cookies. I'm avoiding that this Christmas.:D

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    1. We planned to build one. Got all the ingredients. Then realized how much work it would be, so just made gingerbread people (the not-so-Little Princes and my Piano Man ate them all).

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  14. I like this backstory of the cousin. I've always imagined Hansel and Gretel as fat little, self-entitled &~%$#@!*

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  15. This is a fantastic twist on a familiar fairy tale! Hahahaa!

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  16. Great point of view. I love this, Magaly!

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I love reading your insights, so share them with me; and if Blogger is acting foolish, and labels you Anonymous, please add your name at the end of your comment. ๐Ÿ˜˜

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