Thursday, January 20, 2022

Passive Aggressive Mean Girl Meets Splendidly Vindictive Woman

Revenge isn’t a dish
best
served cold—
I like my
retaliation
hot, and spiced
up
with all the facts.

- inspired by the event below (plus the realization that I can be as vindictive as the next human):

Some weeks ago, I was scheduled to post a nutrition and weight loss entry on the chronic illness group I belong to. After we were done with our virtual meeting, I asked if anyone could switch with me—I was too busy, my gallbladder attack and fatty liver problems had added too many new medical appointments to my schedule. Someone was happy to help, and while we discussed the details, another member (whom I assume believed herself muted) told someone off camera, “I guess Miss Does-No-Wrong’s magical and disciplined nutrition plan ain’t working like she expected it. Ha!”

One of the moderators heard her too, but I shook my head and mouthed “Don’t worry about it” before he could say anything. Later, he emailed me to say that I was a much better person than he at dealing with passive aggressive bullshit in such a civilized way. I told him not to give me so much credit, I just liked to take my time. And I did.

I waited until yesterday, when I knew that horrid woman and I had GI appointments at about the same time. I wore knee-high boots over jeans I hadn’t been able to wear in about 18 months, I topped it with a cute t-shirt that says, “Witchcraft and Gardening, because murder is wrong.” I walked in front of her ever so s l o w l y (yes, there was serious hip swaying too), and when I saw her surprised eyes were fully on me, I said, “I’ve lost 23 lbs. since I started my ‘magical and disciplined nutrition plan’. What about you?

She didn’t say anything. She just grabbed her bag and walked to a different section of the waiting room. I sat down, grin fueled by fresh revenge, feeling rather good about myself because I had enough kindness left not to end the exchange with, “Ha!”


photo by Dario BrΓΆnnimann, on Unsplash

(fine, so I fibbed about how much kindness I had left for her)


- for Poets and Storytellers United--Friday Writings #10: So, I Overheard…


37 comments:

  1. Yay for you! And please may I have a copy of your magical and disciplined nutrition plan asap?

    [Alas, I am not seeing your Unsplash photo; it's just black. (And almost blank, except I think I can just make out the stars of the Southern Cross and the two pointers!!!)]

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    Replies
    1. I thought that too about the Unsplash photo, but when I tilted my screen differently I saw the word 'Ha' in dark red πŸ˜‚

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    2. Rosemary, I will share some posts about nutrition and eating habits soon. Since a few people have asked, I want to make it clear and complete. Maybe in a week or three.

      Katrina, you have a good eye!

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  2. LOL... agree with the other moderator though, it takes a lot to hold back in the moment and then point it out elegantly at an opportune time!!!

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  3. Nice.If we try, we can lose weight, and those who are lazy will not agree to it.

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  4. ROTFL, I cackled out loud reading this. Damn I wish you had taped her reaction!

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  5. Hot dang spice! Truth be told.

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  6. I just love you!!!!! You handled it like a true witchy woman.

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  7. Sitting in front of my PC doing the happy dance ... seated. That's how much I loved, loved reading your post!!!! Oh, how she deserved every (decreasing) ounce of YOU!

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  8. Hearty applause, Miss Does-No-Wrong! Good for you in your skinny jeans and snappy boots. We love yoU!

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  9. Good for you!!!!! Congrats on the weight loss too. Hope your liver and other organs behave and cheer you on to wellbeing

    Much love...

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  10. well i'm glad you stood up for yourself. it's not always pleasant to do, but necessary. and i'm glad to see you taking care of yourself so well, you sound happy, and that's all that matters =) oh, and i enjoyed your revenge poem too.

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  11. Oh yes! Cheering for you! I admire how you kept yourself composed and stood up for yourself in a dignified way (and I want your t-shirt πŸ˜‚). I really don't think I could have handled myself anywhere near as well (probs would have just cried in the first instance) so I really enjoyed reading this.

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    Replies
    1. I think a younger me would've let her have it right away. Time is a good teacher. It was so much more satisfying to see her squirm in person, lol!

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  12. Super SHWEET revenge! πŸ‘ŒπŸ½πŸ˜€

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  13. I'm very jealous of your knee high boots.I'm sure you stopped traffic in that outfit.

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  14. hey at least you got the last laugh

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  15. Bravo to you for being able to wait. Love the manner you chose.

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  16. What a cool story! And, yes, good for you, getting the last word. I bet that woman was secretly horrified.

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    Replies
    1. I think that she was not so secretly furious, lol!

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  17. Hahahaha! Perfect!

    Magaly - I wrote this awhile ago after reading one of your other poems/stories. Sometimes you just make my whole day.

    Wicked Awesome
    An impish grin
    Splits my face
    As laughter splits my sides
    Every time I read you sass

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