Revenge isn’t a dish
best served cold—
I like
my retaliation
hot,
and spiced
up with all the facts.
-
inspired by the event below (plus the
realization that I can be as vindictive as the next human):
Some
weeks ago, I was scheduled to post a nutrition and weight loss entry on the chronic
illness group I belong to. After we were done with our
virtual meeting, I asked if anyone could switch with me—I was too busy,
my gallbladder attack and fatty liver problems had added too many new medical
appointments to my schedule. Someone was happy to help, and while we discussed
the details, another member (whom I assume believed herself muted)
told someone off camera, “I guess Miss Does-No-Wrong’s magical and disciplined
nutrition plan ain’t working like she expected it. Ha!”
One
of the moderators heard her too, but I shook my head and mouthed “Don’t
worry about it” before he could say anything. Later, he emailed me to say
that I was a much better person than he at dealing with passive aggressive
bullshit in such a civilized way. I told him not to give me so much credit, I
just liked to take my time. And I did.
I
waited until yesterday, when I knew that horrid woman and I had GI appointments
at about the same time. I wore knee-high boots over jeans I hadn’t been able to
wear in about 18 months, I topped it with a cute t-shirt that says, “Witchcraft
and Gardening, because murder is wrong.” I walked in
front of her ever so s l o w l y (yes, there was serious hip swaying too), and when
I saw her surprised eyes were fully on me, I said, “I’ve lost 23 lbs.
since I started my ‘magical and disciplined nutrition
plan’. What about you?
She
didn’t say anything. She just grabbed her bag and walked to a
different section of the waiting room. I sat down, grin fueled
by fresh revenge, feeling rather good about myself because I had enough
kindness left not to end the exchange with, “Ha!”
photo by Dario Brönnimann, on Unsplash
(fine, so I fibbed about how much kindness I had left for her)
- for Poets and Storytellers United--Friday Writings #10: So, I Overheard…
Yay for you! And please may I have a copy of your magical and disciplined nutrition plan asap?
ReplyDelete[Alas, I am not seeing your Unsplash photo; it's just black. (And almost blank, except I think I can just make out the stars of the Southern Cross and the two pointers!!!)]
I thought that too about the Unsplash photo, but when I tilted my screen differently I saw the word 'Ha' in dark red 😂
DeleteRosemary, I will share some posts about nutrition and eating habits soon. Since a few people have asked, I want to make it clear and complete. Maybe in a week or three.
DeleteKatrina, you have a good eye!
LOL... agree with the other moderator though, it takes a lot to hold back in the moment and then point it out elegantly at an opportune time!!!
ReplyDeletePatience is a great collaborator.
DeleteNice.If we try, we can lose weight, and those who are lazy will not agree to it.
ReplyDeletePeople are very strange creatures.
DeleteYAS, QUEEN!
ReplyDelete👑😁
DeleteROTFL, I cackled out loud reading this. Damn I wish you had taped her reaction!
ReplyDeleteI grin every time I think about it. 😁
DeleteHot dang spice! Truth be told.
ReplyDeleteHehehe!
DeleteI just love you!!!!! You handled it like a true witchy woman.
ReplyDeleteWe can very patient, can't we? 🤗
DeleteSitting in front of my PC doing the happy dance ... seated. That's how much I loved, loved reading your post!!!! Oh, how she deserved every (decreasing) ounce of YOU!
ReplyDeleteHappy dances are my favorite!
DeleteHearty applause, Miss Does-No-Wrong! Good for you in your skinny jeans and snappy boots. We love yoU!
ReplyDeleteAnd I love you all right back!
DeleteGood for you!!!!! Congrats on the weight loss too. Hope your liver and other organs behave and cheer you on to wellbeing
ReplyDeleteMuch love...
Thank you so much, Gillena.
Deletewell i'm glad you stood up for yourself. it's not always pleasant to do, but necessary. and i'm glad to see you taking care of yourself so well, you sound happy, and that's all that matters =) oh, and i enjoyed your revenge poem too.
ReplyDeleteYour closing made me giggle.
DeleteOh yes! Cheering for you! I admire how you kept yourself composed and stood up for yourself in a dignified way (and I want your t-shirt 😂). I really don't think I could have handled myself anywhere near as well (probs would have just cried in the first instance) so I really enjoyed reading this.
ReplyDeleteI think a younger me would've let her have it right away. Time is a good teacher. It was so much more satisfying to see her squirm in person, lol!
DeleteSuper SHWEET revenge! 👌🏽😀
ReplyDeleteHa!
DeleteI'm very jealous of your knee high boots.I'm sure you stopped traffic in that outfit.
ReplyDeleteYou sweet talker you! 😁
Deletehey at least you got the last laugh
ReplyDeleteIndeed!
DeleteBravo to you for being able to wait. Love the manner you chose.
ReplyDeleteGreat minds and all that! 😁
DeleteWhat a cool story! And, yes, good for you, getting the last word. I bet that woman was secretly horrified.
ReplyDeleteI think that she was not so secretly furious, lol!
DeleteHahahaha! Perfect!
ReplyDeleteMagaly - I wrote this awhile ago after reading one of your other poems/stories. Sometimes you just make my whole day.
Wicked Awesome
An impish grin
Splits my face
As laughter splits my sides
Every time I read you sass
And today, you've just made mine!
Delete