Tuesday, July 27, 2021

I’m an Angel

Experience taught my kind to avoid public bathrooms. But since experience hasn’t been known to win arguments against full bladders, I exited the highway and pulled into the first gas station I saw.  

I rushed towards the restrooms sign and ended up in front of two locked doors, labeled His and Hers. Under the label, someone had written, ask store attendant for key. I reread the words as my bladder screamed that it would not make it back to the front of the shop without exploding.

Showing my bladder that flesh was weaker than thought, I approached the attendant, and said, “May I borrow your bathroom key?”

His gaze landed on the side of my neck. I wanted to think that he was admiring my new earrings, but the disturbed expression on his face convinced me that he was staring at the hint of wing tattoo escaping the top of my sweater.

“His or Hers?” the attendant said.

“What?” The question surprised me. Angels weren’t common in these parts, but myth and reality had merged decades ago. Our physiology was no secret.

Mistaking my puzzlement for deafness, the attendant asked in a much louder voice, “Do you want the men’s or the women’s bathroom?”

“I’m an angel,” I said. “I’m not in love at this moment, so I’m neither and both. Any bathroom will do. I just need to pee. Any key will—”

“We’ve no restrooms for people who can’t tell,” the attendant said.

“Who can’t tell what?” Puzzlement turned to frustration, and set my skin aglow. The surge of energy burst my wings and sword fully out of my thoughts.

“I’m not afraid of you,” the attendant shouted, reaching down the front of his T-shirt for a crucifix, and then brandishing it between us.

I’ve always wondered why people did that. I had just told him that I was an angel, not a Christian vampire. “Never mind”, I said, rethinking my wings back to ink and returning my sword into non-being, “I no longer need either key.”

I walked away from the trembling fool, wishing I could stay to see the look on his face when he noticed the puddle my bladder spilled on his filthy floor.


photo by Josh Howard - on Unsplash

- for Poets and Storytellers United--Weekly Scribblings #80: Sudden Moments (where were invited to write poetry or prose, fiction or nonfiction, about “sudden events which the people involved somehow sensed coming” – or didn’t). Also linked to Writers’ Pantry #81: No More Blogger “Follow by Email” Widget.

38 comments:

  1. Oh dear, even angels are subject to the demands of flesh, when they're wearing it. Love this, in all its delightful, tongue-in-cheek details.

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    1. Thank you, Rosemary. Flesh is very needy, isn't it? The things we do for it.

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  2. Serves him right!! You may have saved the day, who knows?
    ..

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  3. LOL, NICE ONE

    Stay Safe
    (✿◠‿◠)

    much love...

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  4. A memorable moment, for sure .... but not a happy one!

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  5. Stellar writing!! I believe in angels ~~~~

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  6. Wonderful, and always nice to leave a message for the intolerant! Very quirky, so clever.

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    1. I'm back!! I loved reading it again, here too during, and maybe now forever, the Pandemic time many of our restrooms are locked. Got to distance and keep clean in there also.
      I haven't heard of any being snotty though starting with the Pandemic several on the Interstate truck stops have closed their restrooms. No exceptions.
      ..

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    2. Oops, I Replied to the wrong jim.
      ..

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    3. @jim, I love how you put it: "a message for the intolerant", indeed!


      @Jim, The pandemic seems to have made everything worse. And I understand the idea of locking bathrooms in the Interstate. I think the alternative might be dangerous, especially for those stopping in the middle of the night.

      Your "I replied to the wrong jim" made me giggle!

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  7. I must confess I have never been in a Gas station that locked their toilets. Leaving a message is the best solution!

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    1. You lucky, lucky, lucky soul! In the USA, most major cities keep their bathrooms locked in these situations. Things can get... rather uncomfortable.

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  8. This made me laugh in the best possible way. *snickersnort* It's sad when people get their lore mixed up, especially when they are supposedly adherents of the lore in question.

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    1. It's very sad (and slightly hysterical), indeed!

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  9. Oh WOW! Patick was just yesterday asking how your were.....I'm guessing more your self mwahahahaha CWS XXX

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  10. Intense! I hope that never really happened to you or anyone. I love that you had that hidden, just peeking out super power. I have angels in my poem today.

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    1. Sadly, most of this story was inspired by an incident I witnessed some years back at a book convention. In reality, the person who needed the bathroom was ready to walk away. I think they were embarrassed. So, I went into the first available bathroom--which happened to be the men's--and the person followed me in. But while I was waiting, and glaring at the attendant, I remember telling my Piano Man, "I wish the attendant had done that to me. I would've peed on his shoes."

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  11. the attendant will get the message. and he will never mess with angels again. :)

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  12. A fitting ending to a disturbing story. Why do Americans in particular think that nobody needs to pee? Why are restrooms so hard to find (and too often locked) in the USA? It used to bother me to have to pay to pee in Mexico and Europe, but not anymore. You get what you pay for--sweet bladder relief!

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    1. I understand keeping some public bathrooms in the middle of nowhere, and in the middle of the night, locked--horrible things have been known to happen in public bathrooms in the US. My biggest problem is with the His and Hers bit, especially when its a one person toilet. Makes no sense.

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    2. Oh, and I'm all for paying to use a bathroom, if the alternative is no relief.

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  13. I can relate to the full bladder and having to resort to using a public restroom. And like your angel, when my bladder is about to explode I don’t care whether it’s a His or Hers. But I probably would have come back (after relieving myself) to ask him what was so confusing... Or maybe not when he starts shouting and reaching for his crucifix...LOL!

    Even though I suspect, in real life, the attendant’s behaviour wouldn’t be amusing, I find this story delightful. I literally laughed out loud. :D

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    1. Now I'm imagining you arguing with the crucifix brandishing attendant, and I can't stop giggling!

      And you're right, in real life the attendant's would've been infuriating and worse. Still, yay for laughter!

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  14. So human and oh so divine! This is such a brilliant representation of how we can be more compassionate to our fellow persons.

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  15. Another example of how uneducated people can be. Love the story!

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  16. Interesting and a bit satirical as when one is in need to pee, delaying them is cruel really.Enjoyed reading.

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  17. I LOVE this so much!!!!! Big Hugs!

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